


Until Death Do We Part

by oldseafarer



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Friends to Lovers, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, tw: miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldseafarer/pseuds/oldseafarer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The scientists are in awe of you two and try to decipher what makes the neural handshake so strong. “Are you sure you didn’t know each other before? Are you sure you aren’t related?” They ask, frowning and squinting to see if you're lying.</p><p>	“It’s the vodka,” you say. “Our people have drunk so much vodka over the centuries that we are born with our brain half pickled. We’ve burned the same neural pathways by drinking.”</p><p>OR, a look at the Kaidanvosky's relationship from start to finish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until Death Do We Part

It is 2013, you are twenty-two, the world is ending and there isn’t a goddamn thing you can do about it.

So you drink your way through Moscow’s seediest bars and get in fights. There is so much rage in you, because _god_ you were powerless before with a “democratically elected” ex-KGB dictator. But now monsters are tearing this world apart and all anybody can seem to do is argue. They argue and argue, blaming each other and mourning their losses. The anger pushes at your skin and burns through your veins. It takes almost nothing to set you off, and soon even some of the bartenders are telling you to be cool.

One night, wiping blood from your lips and lifting your fists to throw another punch, your opponent laughs. “Little girl,” he says and your left hook catches his jaw.

He shows up again the next night in uniform and for a moment fear catches in your throat. _Oh_. Oh this time you may have gone too far. This time you hit a military officer.

He orders two drinks and offers one to you. “Truce?” He says and the bruise on his cheek is as pretty as any flower you’ve seen.

You nod and don’t say anything.

He stares at you and you wonder what he sees. Does he see the scars? Does he see the past the bruises and makeup, to arms that are too thin and cheeks that are too hollow? Does he see how scared you are because your family lives in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky, on the Pacific coast? Does he see that the only thing that is keeping you alive is that burning need to destroy?

“The Americans think they have a way to beat the kiaju.”

“What is it? More bombs?” You roll your eyes and turn away from him.

“No, they’re building giant robots.”

Your eyes slide back towards him.

He holds out a folder. “They are looking for pilots. I think you would do well.”

You’re silent. You don’t thank him and you don’t retort. You walk away. You walk back to your tiny flat and open the folder. There’s a ticket in your name, a letter of introduction and directions to the shatterdome in Hong Kong.

It takes you fifteen minutes to pack and two days to get there.

-

 

At first you can’t speak anything but Russian. There are people from every country, speaking every language. You stick to the walls and watch. You listen, read, and prove that you are not some stupid comrade from the Motherland just here for political reasons. You pick up English quickly and while Mandarin takes longer, you pick it up none the less. The first person who remarks on your accent ends up on their back with the air knocked from their lungs. No one comments on how well you speak the languages after that. You can speak them, and that is what matters.

 It seems you're supposed to be half of a whole here, and you arrived alone. Your classes are full of siblings, each nudging each other and communicating without words. Even the scientists are just as bad. You can hear their shouts bouncing through the metal halls and really there are no secrets here.

You do well. Even alone, you're valuable enough that they keep you. The instructors quickly realize that once you set your mind to something, nothing can dissuade you. Few can beat you in the training room and even if you don’t make many friends, you at least make allies. In this war, there is no need for enemies. Your enemy stands as tall as buildings and you trust these humans to have your back, even if they are distressingly young.

Everyone is young here. Hell, the scientists are your age, and they're the best. This is a new threat for a new generation, because the older ones can't adapt. Half of your fellow trainees are seventeen and you think, why? Why choose children and force them to fight monsters?

Perhaps, you think, perhaps the younger they are, the fewer sins stain their soul and weigh on their mind. It’s easier for them to drift and for the officers to mold them into the desired shapes. And for a moment you feel afraid. You aren’t young; you aren’t unbroken and you’re certainly not innocent. You're scarred in more way than one, and who would be brave enough to share your mind?

 -

 

It is 2014 and you are twenty-three when you first hear about him. The mess hall is now a familiar chaos and you no longer sit alone. “Hey,” Jin says, nudging you with his elbow. “Did you hear? Apparently we are getting another Russian.”

“Why would we need more than one?” You reply and arch one eyebrow.

On your other side, Hu slings an arm around your neck. He slides close with his lips brushing your ear and says, “Baby, you are all _I_ need.”

You shrug off his arm and arch your chest. “I’m sorry, _malishka,_ but you couldn’t handle me. I need a man, and you are just a boy.” You smirk and press a kiss to his cheek.

He tries to rub off your lipstick but just manages to smear it all around. You laugh and can’t decide if it makes Hu look like he is blushing or was slapped.

-

 

You finally meet him in one of your technical classes, and when you see him you wonder how you could have ever missed him. He is a bear of a man, standing in the back with his arms crossed. He has a thick beard and even thicker muscles. You think, now there is a man who could pilot a jaeger.

You walk to the back, sitting down at one of the lab tables. You push out a stool with your foot and wait.

He glances at you, and the double take is more than satisfying.

“Sit.”

His brows push together, and for a moment you wonder if he is man with all brawn and no brains.

“Aren’t you here to learn?” You ask and turn to the practice jaeger interfaces on the table.

He settles beside you an instant later, your shoulders brushing. Good. He is man that answers a challenge.

-

 

His name is Aleksis and he doesn’t say much. You appreciate this after the constant jabbering of the Wei triplets and the apparent inability for the scientists to think silently. Shatterdome is place of many languages and apparently they all need to be spoken simultaneously. So, you divide your free time between the quieter ones and over the months you get to know both Mako and Alexis.

Mako is eleven and is the younger sister you never had. _(Because you never had sisters, you’ve always had brothers. You have a father and a mother, and aunties. You have too many cousins, who have too many children and they all live in a small town on the Bering Sea. The kaiju came for San Francisco. They could easily head west instead of east and you squash that line of thought. There is a reason you are here, stay focused and get ready to destroy.)_ Mako is beauty in a world of war and soldiers. Mako is the one with whom you paint your nails. Mako is the one who helps you bleach your hair for the first time, and lets you dye her tips. Mako is the closest female friend you’ve ever had and even if she is half your age.

Aleksis isn’t a friend. He is too big to just be a friend. He is too big when he sits on your bed squishing you against the wall with his nose buried in a book. He is too big when he fights, so the other trainees approach him with caution and leave with bruises. He is too big to be ignored, so you face him head on. When he takes up too much space on you bed, you shift and drape your legs across his lap. When he faces you in the training room, with his knees bent and hesitation etched in the corners of his eyes, you tackle him. In seconds, you have him on his back, straddling his stomach and the corner of your staff against his throat.

You may not be as big as him, but damn it, you won’t be ignored either.

Aleksis is constantly on the edge of your consciousness. When you enter a room, you look for him. You’re by his side in every class. You exchange jokes, glances and it’s a language that only you two speak. (Suck it, sibling pairs.)  You study in his room and have a habit of falling asleep in his bed, curled up around his pillow. You’re just going to close you eyes, just for a second, and then you’ll go back to studying the physics of jaeger movements. (You always wake up an hour later with a quilt carefully laid over your shoulders.) You find yourself wondering what he is doing when he is away, and smiling more when he is near. He is too big, you tell yourself. It's just that. It’s like hanging out with a Saint Bernard.

Aleksis is simultaneously shy and aggressive, a contradiction that you find hilarious. He is cautious when he asks to sit beside you, and seems afraid that he is going to break Mako just by being near her. But in the simulations, he always dives in to the attack. He breaks formation and roars as he grapples with the monster. No matter how many times he dies, or how many times the instructors yell at him, Aleksis can’t seem to follow orders. He sees the kaiju and acts on pure instinct.

You’re standing with Hu when you hear the instructors talking about him. “He’s too aggressive.” They are saying, “He is a concern. He is a risk. We can’t send him out there.”

Hu glances at you and doesn’t say anything.

You respond anyway. “They just don’t understand. It’s a Russian thing. We're all half bear. Put us in a fight and you’re going to get mauled.”

Still, when you leave Hu, you head straight to Aleksis’s room. You pound on his door until he opens, shirtless and dark hair ruffled from sleep. You ignore the impulse to smooth it down. You ignore his chest, the hair curling across perfectly cut pecs and abs. You push you way in and put your hands on your hips.

“You need to pull it together,” you tell him. “They're going to kick you out. You're too aggressive.”

He rubs the back of his neck and looks away. And god, you forgot how young he is. At his age, your brothers came home bloody almost every day. Your mother would say, _Why don’t you think first!_ And they would say, _M_ _a, in a fight, there's no room for thought._

You sigh and step closer to him. “Look, I understand. But this isn’t working. You need to change something about your approach.”

“Be my partner,” he says and you almost fall back in surprise.

“Excuse me?”

Aleksis meets your eyes and there is that heat. The fire that fuels his fights and is usually banked outside the simulations. “We should be co-pilots. You would keep me in check.”

You smile, a thin razor smile and shake your head. “There is no way that would work.”

“What other choice do you have?” And the question is like a punch in the gut.

You cross your arms and tighten your lips. The rage that had been absent for months stirs under your skin. It churns in your stomach and claws up your throat.

“Soon they will be assigning jaegers. Every other team has already drifted. You say they are talking about me, but they are talking about you too. Their great soldier who can’t find a co-pilot. Perhaps Sasha would be better as a teacher, they say. Perhaps we should send her around the world to train new pilots. They say, she is good, but perhaps not good enough. And maybe they are right, maybe you are alone for a reason.”

You swing at him and he catches your fist.

“But Sasha we could do it. We could drift. They would give us a jaeger, and then we could go destroy kaiju.” He says your name like a prayer, like you're his dream and his hope.

You wrench your hand back and walk out the door. He should know better, in a world of monsters there is no hope. The only way to win is to sink to their level and get ready to die.

You return to his room later that night, and enter without knocking. That Ukrainian house music he loves is so loud that he almost doesn’t hear you.

Aleksis turns around, and there is that hope again. That foolish, foolish hope and you almost want to slap it off his face. “We will drift.” You tell him, your voice cold. “But not because you are my last option. I am not so unpopular that I am incapable of finding a co-pilot.”

Aleksis starts and opens his mouth. “Sasha, I never meant—”

You know what people call you. You’ve heard the whispered nickname of Ice-Queen, and more than once frigid bitch has been thrown at your back. You didn’t come here to make friends or to find a lover, you came here to win a war.

You continue talking, because if you let him speak you might not let be able to finish. “You are right. We are very compatible might make excellent co-pilots. But I will not have my secrets exposed without consent.” You approach him and his eyebrows tilt up like some forlorn puppy. “You broke my trust tonight, and if I find that you ever break it again I will end you.”

You leave without letting him respond.

The next day he meets you with a contrite expression and wringing his hands. In the all black jaeger suit, he seemed smaller. “Look Sasha, I’m sorry. Sometimes-- sometimes I say things that don’t come out like I mean it.”

You don’t respond and adjust the helmet. _Maybe there is a reason you are alone._ Those words had repeated in your mind all night and you hadn’t slept. You even skipped breakfast to avoid him. (And you love breakfast.) _Maybe there is a reason you are alone._ That thought had haunted your since you were thirteen and Mischa laughed in your face when you told him how you felt. Since you were eighteen and all your friends had boyfriends. Since you were twenty and the last of your brothers got married. Since you were twenty-one and the only person who called to make sure you were okay after the first kaiju attack was your mother.

 _Maybe there is a reason you are alone._ You can’t even look at him.

“Sasha, please. You have to forgive me.”

Oh, the drift will work. There is no chance it won’t work. You may be abrasive but you’re focused. You will make the drift work if it kills you.

“You have to know how sorry I am.”

“Prove it.” You say and put on your helmet.

-

 

The drift is different than you expected. There is your childhood. There are your bothers pushing you around and laughing as you get mad. There you are fighting and starving in Moscow. There you are arriving at the shatterdome and finally finding a purpose in life.

Then, there is Aleksis. There is his childhood. There he is, the only son of a rural family. There is his mother, so proud of her boy for being so smart. There is his father, disapproving as he leaves the farm to join the jaeger program. There he is, arriving in Hong Kong and feeling like a giant. There he is, arriving at the shatterdome, being completely overwhelmed and doubting his decision. He had been something special back at home, but here? Who was he here? He is confused and sick to his stomach with anxiety every day. He is standing at the back of the classroom because he didn’t know where to sit. There you are, approaching him. He can hardly believe you are talking to him, let alone speaking to him in Russian.

And then it seems like his every other thought is about you. How he loves the way you bleach you hair, it makes you unique in this dark haired city. His eyes linger on the chisled angles of your cheeks and your lips. He wonders if your lipstick has a flavor. He gets hard as you beat him in the training room again and again. His stomach flips as you lean against him to whisper a joke. He doesn’t know where to put his hands when you put your legs in his lap. You are the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the first person he seeks every day. You are the oil in this vast mechanism and he is the gear that doesn’t seem to fit. You slide into every situation and suddenly it seems to click. His respect for you is shattering.

Then, there is last night. He knows that he messed up the simulation again and you seemed to do it right every time and how do you do that anyway? He is worried that he is going to be kicked out. He runs away, literally hiding his head under his pillow and pretending to be back at home. He feels nauseous and simultaneously wants you near and never wants you to see him like this. And then you are there in his doorway, in his room and you are saying all the things he is thinking.

Suddenly it seems to click. He is too aggressive and you are perfectly controlled. You seem to know his every thought before he opens his mouth. You also don’t have a co-pilot. You don’t have anyone else, and maybe, maybe there is a reason you are alone. Maybe there is a reason that you spend all your time with him, maybe there is a reason you haven’t chosen a co-pilot yet. Maybe you are waiting for him. Maybe you are waiting for him to say something. Maybe you want him to make the first move. Maybe, just maybe, you feel the same way he feels about you.

And then you throw a punch and storm out and he is confused as hell. Wasn’t that what you wanted? Why can’t you see how perfect it is? Why can’t you see how you two are two halves of the same whole?

And then you are behind him, in his room, and his heart leaps. And you agree to be his co-pilot and he almost jumps out of his chair to kiss you. And then you keep talking and every word is a hit that lands. His stomach drops away and he feels more sick than he ever had before. How could you think that he would betray you? Don’t you have any idea how he feels about you? Don’t you know that he thinks you are alone because you choose to be? Because you are so perfect and amazing that you just haven’t deemed anyone worthy? He is confused, oh so confused and scared.

And then, you forgive him.

“Whoa.” The technician’s voice comes over the speakers. “I’ve never seen a neural handshake that strong. How are you guys?”

“Every thing is good in here.” You say, and throw a smile towards Aleksis. “Give us some pretend kiaju and let’s see what this baby can do.”

He smiles back.

-

 

Theoretically, it should be awkward now. It isn’t of course, because awkwardness stems from uncertainty and once you’ve been inside someone’s head all uncertainty is gone. You know the depth of his loyalty. Aleksis would follow you into the mouth of hell, and you're jaeger pilots so that's your destination.

He loves you, and you almost want to laugh in disbelief. How can he love yo when you’ve only known each other a few months? How can he love you when you’re just friends? How can he love you-- you're solitary and obstinate?

He loves you because of those things, in spite of those things. And he still loves you even though you don’t love him.

You could love him. Maybe, someday. You’ve never met a man like him before. A man who would rather back your play than make his own. You feel something for him, but that something is as much of a mystery to you as it is him.

Aleksis is patient. He has been in you head, he knows you. He knows that you're twenty-three and have never been in a relationship. That you first, and only, kiss was stolen from a drunk boy when you were seventeen. You're twenty-three and don’t even know how to flirt, let alone approach love.

So he gives you the space you need and there is no awkwardness. You still fall asleep on his bed, you still drape your legs over his lap, you still lean in to whisper jokes in his ear. It’s just now, you know the thrill it gives him when your breath brushes his neck. You know the joy he gets from the mere touch of you. Something in you, something that you had assumed had atrophied, stirs. Your stomach starts to flip when he laughs loudly. Your smile stretches wider than you had thought was possible when he brings you the last dessert. You think, maybe, just maybe you could fall in love with him too.

The scientists are in awe of you two. You spend a lot time in the other's head as they try and decipher what makes the connection so strong. “Are you sure you didn’t know each other before this? Are you sure you aren’t related?” They ask, frowning and squinting to see if you're lying.

“It’s the vodka,” you say. “Our people have drunk so much vodka over the centuries that we're born with our brain half pickled. We’ve burned the same neural pathways by drinking.”

Half the techs roll their eyes and the other half start muttering about introducing vodka into the meal plans of jaeger pilots.           

-

 

It is 2015, you are twenty-four and tomorrow is graduation.

You did it. You’re a jaeger pilot. You're one of the best and tomorrow you’re going to be presented with your jaeger. Sometimes you and Aleksis sneak into the hanger and watch the engineers. She is huge and built to destroy. You’re itching to take her out for a ride.

You spend so much time in the other's mind that even when you aren’t hooked into the drift, you’re in sync with Aleksis. The scientists call it ghost-drifting and insist that it will fade. Don’t worry about it, they say, you should barely notice it. At the most, you may sense your co-pilot's presence before you see them.

You think the scientists are all idiots who have no real understanding of the drift. It will fade? Maybe for other pilots, but for you and Aleksis the headspace is usually open. You can’t communicate directly, but it doesn’t matter. By the time he is reaching for your hand, your palm is already open and waiting to meet him. When he starts bending down to kiss you, you’re already pressing up. Sometimes, as you lay on his bed with your head on his chest, you even think that your heartbeats are in sync. The scientists insist that this is impossible. For one thing, Aleksis is twice your size. If his heart beats at the same speed as yours, there would be obvious side effects.

Regardless, when Aleksis walks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist, and you sigh and lean into him, both your hearts speed up. When there is news of another kaiju attack, and your hands scramble to find his, both your hearts slow down.

So he is expecting you when you show up at his door with a bag. “Now?” He asks.

“Now.” You agree and wait for him to take off his shirt.

Bleaching his hair takes more time than you would expect. It isn’t as long as yours, but it’s thicker. Still neither of you mind as you run your fingers through it, your nails gently scratching the skin at the back of his neck. When his hair is dry, you stand with him in front of the mirror and grin. “Now we are ready.”

And he has the same feral glint in his eyes that you see in your own.

-

 

It is 2016, you are twenty-five and Cherno Alpha is the most beautiful jaeger you’ve ever seen. You don’t care that she is already old technology. Let other jaegers be designed to dance with the kaijus, she is designed to obliterate them.

No one is surprised when you’re assigned to the new shatterdome in Vladivostok. Some are angry on your behalf and say it isn’t fair. You're the best, and they’re sticking you up in the middle of nowhere. You should stay in Hong Kong where you’re really needed. You don’t bother to explain to them that they put you in Russia because of your skill. You have the longest coast line to protect, in some of the worst weather conditions. No other jaeger pilot envies your assignment, but it suits you just fine.

You spend hours patrolling the Siberian coast and while the icy wind whips around you, you stay warm. No evil can pierce the safety of your shared headspace. When you get bored or the endless white and grey, he imagines color. Aleksis imagines a trip to Fiji. He imagines you spread out on white sand wearing nothing but your lipstick. And when you two return to your room, you leap on him. Legs wrapped around his waist, hands digging into his shoulders, he is forced to take a step back. He laughs into your mouth and is completely unrepentant.

One day, he turns to you and you feel a nervousness in him that you hadn’t felt in over a year. “You know,” he says, “It is likely that we will die together.”

You frown. Death doesn't scare you; and you know it doesn't scare him. What wakes you up in the night in a paralyzing fear is being powerless.

“Will you marry me?”

You laugh.

“Is that your proposal?” You walk over to him, bare feet padding on the cold floor. Aleksis is sitting at his desk and you climb onto his lap. “Since we’re going to die together anyway, let's make it official?”

“I love you.” Aleksis says and those words still steal the breath from your body. “I would be with you to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live.”

You press your lips to his. “Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I will have you. I will hold you through the storm and through the fight. We will never be rich, and I will not let you go. And in our good health, I will be at your side until death finally takes us.”

You get married on Christmas Eve and it’s a small ceremony. Just the two of you, your witnesses, and the priest. It’s a blur of happiness and champagne. Your dress is beautiful and covered in lace. You never thought you would get married, so you never allowed yourself to dream of a wedding. But, somewhere in the depths of your mind, he sees a wedding dress that you once yearned for as a little girl.

Find a dress like that, he insists.

Your honeymoon is nothing but two nights in a hotel instead of the shatterdome. Yet as you collapse back onto the bed breathless and the sweat starting to cool on your body, you don’t think you’ve ever been this happy before in your life. 

-

 

It is 2018, you are twenty-seven and a kaiju has just emerged from the breach. They are already calling it Raythe and he is headed straight west. Straight to the Okhotsk Sea and there is no time to call your family and tell them to get out damnit, get inland, why the hell are you still living on the Pacific Coast? You’ll find another job, another home, just leave it all and run!

You don’t need to explain your urgency to Aleksis. This isn't your first kiaju attack together, but its the first one near people you care about. It’s not that you don’t care if strangers are in danger. But there is a reason they assign jaeger pilots to the shatterdomes nearest their home. You’re a little more motivated if the goddamn monster is going after your land, your people, your home.

Raythe is quick. Frustratingly quick. The hours stretch behind you as you chase him through the icy sea. You punch him, he falls backwards into the water and swims away. He slips behind you and leaps at your back. You grab him by the neck. He flies through the air and hits the water like it is solid instead of fluid. (Although, it’s November. There very well may be solids floating in that fluid.)

Five hours turns into ten. Ten hours turn into fifteen, and you’re so tired. The kaiju is wounded, it should really only take one more hit to bring him down. But your muscles scream and you can hardly move your legs.

And if you were alone, this would be where you fell.

But you aren’t alone. You’ll never be alone again. Aleksis’s energy is endless and that worrisome aggression pours into you and you are ready to fight again. You scream, and he screams and maybe it is all just in the headspace but the kaiju’s skull fractures under your metal fist and the surface of the sea shimmers with his oily blue blood.

You stand there panting and, _god_ \-- What would you do without this man?

You love him so fucking much.

-

 

It is 2020, you are twenty-nine and you don’t notice until it's almost too late.

Sure, you had been a little more tired lately. And maybe you had been feeling queasy, but there is always some bug making its way through the shatterdome. Put a few hundred people in one big metal ball, add constant high stress situations, subtract sleep and you're going to have your fair share of illnesses.

But some kiaju is attacking Seoul and so unless you’re dying, you’re still going out. You climb into Cherno Alpha and something is different. Aleksis is just as puzzled and you both search through the head space, looking. It isn’t bad, per say. Just different, like something new is there.

The heliocopters are dropping you into the water when you realize.

Oh god.

You’re pregnant.

For a moment, you are happy. The joy rebounds through Aleksis’s mind and you both curl around this tiny mind in the drift. It’s just there, nothing more than a heartbeat and a will to live. Your baby.

And then you hit the water and fear replaces happiness. What the fuck are you doing? You're about to fight a monster and you’re pregnant?

They are calling the kiaju Atticon and the name is irrelevant. Aleksis agrees that what-the-fuck-icon needs to be dead _now._

So you don’t think about baby names. You don’t think about whether it is going to be a boy or a girl. You don’t think about whether it is going to be a giant like its father or svelte like its mother. You don’t think about how you would rearrange your small room at the shatterdome or what you're going to do when you stop being a jaeger pilot.

You don’t think about the horrible world that your baby will have to live in.

You fight.

You roar and grapple and hit Atticon again and again. But the fucker won’t go down. You tear off his arm and he still comes at you. You crush one of his eyes and his tail whips around, catching the side of your knees.

Finally, you have him in a headlock and Aleksis hits and hits and hits until his skull and brains are oozing off Cherno Alpha’s arm.

You go home and for the first time in years, you thank God.

-

 

The doctors tell you that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because of the drift, the jaeger or even the fight with the goddamn kaiju. It’s two days later and your baby is gone.

 But somehow, it isn’t your fault.

“Sometimes chromosomes don’t align correctly,” the doctors say. “Nothing could have been done. Sometimes, this just happens.”

Aleksis catches your elbow before you can break the doctor’s jaw.

You’re given six weeks off and Aleksis takes you inland. You don’t know how he finds a little cabin in the woods, but there is no one for miles. There is nothing but snow and trees, and you can almost pretend that the kiaju don’t exist.

But they do exist.

And your baby doesn’t.

You curl up into a tight ball and sob. Aleksis holds you against his chest and you can feel his hot tears on top of your head.

You and God? You’re fucking done.

-

 

It’s 2024, you are thirty-three and the kiaju just don’t stop coming.

It’s a good thing you two are the best, because there is no one else to handle them. The kiaju are getting bigger, badder, and if possible, smarter. Jaeger after jaeger goes down, and they don’t get back up. Pilots die and you lose half your graduating class. There is barely time to repair Cherno Alpha between attacks, but it’s a good thing your old girl is basically indestructible. The new jaegers are so high tech that little things go out of alignment and suddenly nothing works.

Please. Cherno Alpha is all gears and mechanics. As if she would be that delicate.

On September 14th, Taranis attacks the Queen Charlotte Sound and you shoot out his chest.

On September 25th, Rachnid attacks Brisbane and you tear off his head.

On October 31st, Fiend attacks Acapulco and you crush his skull.

And on December 11th, they close the Vladivostok shatterdome.

Of course, it’s not like the fight is speeding up instead of slowing down. The soldiers are dying and the enemy is increasing, so the logical choice is to shut down the jaeger program. It’s better to hide behind walls. It’s better to be trapped in a cage, waiting for death instead of meeting it with your fists up. And obviously the public will feel safer with the media reporting that the number of kiajus in the Pacific is increasing. Let's not forget that every coast isn't protected. So people will hide and watch as their world gets destroyed. They will hide and wait for the enemy to force its way over your wall.

Because _that’s_ better than footage of human operated giant robots kicking the shit out of the monsters.

Aleksis convinces you that marching Cherno Alpha over to headquarters wouldn’t actually help the jaeger cause.

You consider doing it anyway. If you were determined enough, he would follow.

-

 

It is 2025, you are thiry-four and the wall fails, _obviously._

But the Hong Kong shatterdome is alive again and you remember when you first arrived. You were too thin, too angry, and all alone. You’re more muscle than fat now, you’re still pretty angry, and you’re never alone. The myriad of languages that used to confuse you now comforts you.

You see the Wei triplets and comment on their growth, their smiles, their muscles, and their abs until Aleksis growls and drags you away.

You’ve met the Hansens before and while Herc is alright, you always want to give Chuck a good beating. It worked on your brothers! When they got too big for their britches you just push them down again and again and again until they realize they aren’t god’s gift to the world and start laughing.

Aleksis isn’t opposed to the idea, but questions your timing.

Raleigh Becket and Mako Mori interest you. Maybe it’s because they would be the only other non-related jaeger pilots. Maybe it's because you want to know what kind of man fascinates Mako.

You watch them walk by in the mess hall and lean forward towards Aleksis. “A bottle of vodka says they are fucking by the end of the week.”

He glances towards them and snorts. “More like the end of the night.”

-

 

When the Otachi rips off Cherno Alpha’s arms, you know it’s the end. Aleksis disagrees and still fights. He wrenches his waist back and forth and would kick the kiaju to death if he had the chance.

But Leatherback is pulling you down and water is pouring in and this is it.

You had ten years together but it wasn’t enough. It will never be enough. You were born into a world that was being torn apart. You were born into a world where the monsters and the toys of your brothers were realities.

But, you were born into a world where you could be with Aleksis. Where you could know each other so completely, so intimately, that no other relationship could compare. Sometimes you imagine a world without kiaju. Would you still have found each other? Would you still have fallen in love?

You don’t know.

You don’t care because that is a hypothetical life and all you have is _this_ one. And it’s ending. You can taste the sea spray on your lips and you never wanted it to end like this.

So you chase the rabbit.

You grab Aleksis’s mind and dive into the drift. Dive into your happiest memories, sink so deep into your shared headspace that you don’t feel your legs going numb. You don’t feel the water lapping at your chin.

Your wedding vows echo through your minds.

 _I take you to be mine._ And there you are arching your back to meet him, his hands on your waist and lips on your neck.

 _To have._ You're sitting in his lap watching a pick up basketball game at the shatterdome, feeling the rumble of his chest against your back as he cheers.

 _To hold._ After the first time you drift together, it’s like you can’t let go. You were in each others minds, literally under each other’s skin and to end that contact would be unbearable. So you walk around the shatterdome, arms around each other and flipping off anyone who comments.

 _For better._ For Christmas in 2016, he presents you with leather jackets with Cherno Alpha’s logo on the back. He blushes and sheepishly admits he designed it. And your delight makes you giggle like a teenage girl.

 _For worse._ He grieves your lost child as much as you do. The drift means he knows what it felt like to have a life growing within you, and he knows what it felt like to have that life disappear. He doesn’t try to hold to some socially dictated emotional repression. He weeps with you, and recovers with you.

 _For richer._ It’s the opening of the Vladivostok shatterdome and the three jaegers stand tall and beautiful. The pilots, your friends, stand with you and the adrenaline pumps as you realize you can do this. Between the three jaegers, you can protect the coast.

 _For poorer._ You're so tired of mourning your friends. More anger than usual boils in Aleksis and you follow his aggression. You take Cherno Alpha out and destroy a glacier, just to _do_ something.

 _In sickness and in health._ The first time you see Aleksis get sick is when he is 20 and you almost want to laugh. He whines and fusses and what a little monster he must have been as a child. When he recovers, you tease him about his childlike behavior until he takes you in his arms and proves he is a man.

 _Until death do us part._ In the distance, you can feel darkness creeping toward you. A cold chill that is stealing the breath from your body and the life from your blood. You take his hand and run. Run away from death, run further into the drift until all that is left is the feel of the other. You press your lips against his, hold his neck so tight that your nails dig into his skin and focus on life. Focus on the way he is squeezing you so tight that you can’t breathe, the way he is lifting you off the ground _and—_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just loved these two. Also, unbeta-ed


End file.
